Heather Youmans Makes Peace with “All the Advice (I Didn’t Ask For)”

Heather Youmans’ new single “All the Advice (I Didn’t Ask For)”, out today, reckons with the origins of her family’s complicated mother-daughter dynamics, and ultimately, finds peace.

Heather Youmans knew that to understand the complex dynamics of the women in her family, she had to go generations back. “All the Advice (I Didn’t Ask For)” nods to the complex dynamics of those relationships, the ups, the downs, the love, the redemption, the frustration and everything in between. 

With vocals recorded in David Francisco’s LA/Fullerton studio, the track goes deep, seeing  Heather channel her great-grandmother who left the family to pursue Hollywood’s Golden Age. In the accompanying video, Heather steps into her shoes, and we see peace and grace unfold.

We caught up with Heather to tell us the story behind the song and its powerful video.

Listen to “All the Advice (I Didn’t Ask For)

The WIMN / Steph Lamond: Hi Heather! We’re so excited for you with this powerful release, and to be able to uplift it on the WIMN.

Tell us about the writing process here – was there an inspiring, inciting incident that prompted the processing of all this through song? Or was this a story you’ve always been wanting to tell? 

Heather Youmans: Mother-daughter relationships are incredibly complex. My great-grandmother walked out of my grandmother’s life when she was just a little girl. This was during the golden age of Hollywood. Their family lived in Hollywood proper, and my grandma went to school with all the child stars, meanwhile, her mom had stars in her eyes – so, when my great-grandfather wanted to move the family back to Ohio, his wife (my great-grandmother) didn’t follow. Back in Ohio, my grandma, then a little girl, grew up and went through her formative years without a mom.

As you might imagine, that feeling of abandonment can carry over to several generations of women, so when my mom raised me, she made a conscious decision to break the cycle. My childhood was full of warmth and connection, my mom even became a second mom to several of my best friends. She made it her life’s goal to be a strong, loving female figure for me and others. 

I never got to know my great-grandmother and my mom didn’t know her either. I always wondered what she was like and why she was estranged from the family. This song is more of an exploration of that relationship dynamic and how I imagined it was. 

Do you have any memories from the recording process that stand out you can share with us? What was it like to create this?

I actually wrote this song with two guys, Ryan Nealon and David Francisco. Opening up to them about my family and mother-daughter relationships was eye-opening for them. They looked at it from a completely outside perspective, and that brought out more detail in the song. They were both genuinely curious about this unique dynamic among women in families and asked all the right questions in the writing session. After we wrote the song, I recorded a rough demo with just guitar and that was a vibe (maybe I’ll release a stripped back version one day!). David is an incredible vocal producer and I tracked all the vocals at his studio. He gave me a safe space to emote and ground myself in the serious subject matter of the song. 

Then, the video! Just gorgeous, and so powerful. Can you share some of your favorite aspects of the symbolism in there for you? It feels to me like you’re emulating your great-grandmother there, am I close with that one?

The music video nods to the golden age of Hollywood. Every piece – from the vintage props and wardrobe – leans into the aesthetic of that era. I actually went to a vintage prop store to curate the outfit and set dressing, so much of what you see in the video is authentic to the era. I’ve always fantasized about old-time Hollywood in Los Angeles, what drew my great-grandmother to the city, and why she ultimately decided to stay, as the family moved back to Ohio. Within my family, her life has really been shrouded in mystery. Nobody really knew her except for my grandmother, but I’ve always imagined that she was a Hollywood starlet like Audrey Hepburn with a scarf draped over her head and dramatic, black sunglasses. What I’ve gathered, is she was a very independent woman during a time when ladies had less freedom to live their lives and make decisions of their own. The ending of the music video is an homage to women of the 1930s and ‘40s that made couragous decisions outside of societal norms to live a life of true happiness. 

The theme that we’re all interconnected, and we need to see the bigger picture to begin to heal and understand our loved ones, is one I’ve written about a lot too; your line here “how could I blame you, when the same thing happened to you?” is such a powerful moment of grace for the way these things ripple through the generations. Can you share your thoughts on why it’s important for folks to do this deeper work to understand their place in it all?

It’s so crucial to look outside of ourselves to deeply understand the perspectives of other women. Often, as family, we think we know everything about a parent or sibling simply because they are “family.” But assumptions without exploration can be detrimental. We never fully know what someone is going through or how they were raised. Women in my family learned to be mothers from a variety of people and experiences – from friends to found family – simply because the relationships with their own moms were too complex and charged. My mom did an incredible job of finding female role models outside of home. These women helped her discover a unique and loving style of parenting that truly broke the chain among several generations of women. She has a future-forward mindset and didn’t allow anything that hurt her impact the way she raised me.

Listen to “All the Advice (I Didn’t Ask For)
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